they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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