In the future we'll all be gay
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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