i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
