would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
