dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
