I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
