Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
