I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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