just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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