Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
