Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
