dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
