Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
