i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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