The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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