Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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