A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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