you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A bitchslap is in order.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
