Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
