Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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