So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
