i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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