My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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