btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
