the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
