my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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