i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
