How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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