wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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