i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
These tits shall not be calmed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
