sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
