Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
