I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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