We named our party play list daddy issues
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
