I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
