It's like God shit irony all over that family
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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