some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
