Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
