Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
