Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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