k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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