Your tits are I can't wait for
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
