I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
