omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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