i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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