We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
