I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
