wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I met the friendliest cop last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
