the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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