dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
