my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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