moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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