He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
