Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
