I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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