OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
